What I'm Leaving in 2023
Diary Disclosures - #1 - Full permission granted to roll your eyes at this one...
Toward the end of each year there’s this collective surge of renewal felt worldwide where many people, be it in panic or peace, set fresh goals, dreams and wishes for the upcoming year. On the whole, it can be a hugely positive thing, but alas, it is easy to fall into the trap of attempting to transform ones personality, routine and lifestyle to unrealistic heights. Ironically, the month selected to commence this nonsense is January which hardly seems fair to do to ourselves; surely that’s the cruelest month. If you’re a January baby and take offence to this, I apologise, but I’m also a Jan babe and it really can be a crappy month. My plan of nonsense for 2024 is to tackle the unwanted behaviors I attempt to shake off every year. You know, the usual suspects: worrying about things that will never happen, sloppy tan application and crucifying myself for having a few drinks - can’t I let myself live?
There is one other thing though, that I am leaving behind in 2023. It’s quite a big one. After twenty-seven years, five of which I’ve had the itch to depart, I will bid farewell to the wonderful country of Ireland. No prizes for guessing where I’m going; there’s got to be more Irish in Australia than Ireland itself at this stage. I’m heading in December and as we’ve (what feels like) sprinted into the month of November, I find myself more and more, day by day, feeling the urge to vomit my dizzying thoughts onto a page.
Dublin City and it’s very clean, drinkable river water.
I want to be clear from the outset that I absolutely adore Ireland. I’ve spent more than the first quarter (fingers crossed lol) of my life here and I know deep down that no country, regardless of what’s on offer there, could ever truly replace the teddy-bear shaped mess of an Island I grew up on. Ireland is my true home and in light of the many humanitarian emergencies unfolding worldwide, particularly the unforgivable devastation of Gaza and her Palestinian people, I have never been more grateful that this is so. I wake up these days and count myself incredibly, incredibly lucky for the freedom to make a coffee, choose an outfit and peacefully go about my day.
I wouldn’t dream of mentioning Gaza in this article without also promoting it’s palpable urgency for funding and support. Regardless of your stance, opinion or lack of knowledge relating to the current crisis in Gaza, no one can deny that the death of anyone in this hateful way, but particularly children, is anything short of evil. You can donate to the Irish Red Cross and UNICEF Ireland.
Leaving Ireland is something that excites and saddens me in almost equal measures. I wish I had the opportunity to build the life I’d like for myself here, but as my twenties roll by, it’s not looking likely. So I’m off, with my gorgeous pal Orna, to follow the footsteps that millions of Irish ancestors before me have taken since the 1840s. The goals are to challenge myself, learn as much as possible, work hard and of course, have fun.
Orna: My emigration gal :)
I wonder who we would be without our Irish-ness. My family are a blend of Kilkenny and Tallaght which as a child exposed me to the bustle of an urban life and the freedom of a rural one. At five years old in a navy pinafore with a Frube stain on my tie I met the friend who would, and still does, carry me through so many obstacles, all while splitting ourselves laughing. I grew up next to Castletown, a gorgeous public parkland and estate which would see me cultivate and grow the relationships of my first, second and third loves - girl, take a break from the relationship thing. Castletown would also see me fall apart following the breakdown of those relationships, dragging myself on countless walks through the beautiful forests, fields and riversides in the early stages of break-ups that felt deathly. I can remember walking through the estate wondering if I’d ever feel for anyone the way I felt for these previous partners. Spoiler: there will be someone with whom it all feels better, yet even then, he won’t be the so-called ‘one’. I know it seems ridiculous and dramatic to write this but if you’ve ever grieved (and it is grief) the loss of relationship and connection with someone you truly cared for, you’ll understand how it can be one of the most difficult emotional experiences to overcome. I have no shame in admitting that; break-ups are extremely difficult. Once you’re out the other end (changed forever, no doubt), you can look back on the darker days and have a bit of a laugh at yourself. The absolute drama of a break-up is comical once you’re out the other end; the mind takes you to all-sorts of places…
One of my favourite people and places.
As I go about my days in the last few weeks I’ve noticed myself picking up on stereotypical Irish-isms that I’m going to miss. I’m predicting that I’ll have days in Australia where I miss everything about home. I might go as far to say I’ll miss the fact that you can’t remove yourself from a seated position here without being asked to make a cup of tea for everyone or turn the heating off ‘while you’re up’. I’ll miss the respectful nod to an elderly man as you both mutter ‘how-are-ya’, or the knowing grin you give to a fellow girlie you see whose looking stunning and wearing whatever the f*ck she wants. I’d be here all day listing off things that everyone already knows are typically Irish. I also can’t fully dive into the people I will miss yet. I’m avoiding going down those mental pathways at the moment. I am the worst at goodbyes. I’m sure I’ll be more specific about what I miss when it actually comes to missing it, as I hope to keep up the writing while in Australia.
In a more positive direction, I am absolutely buzzing to be going to Australia. I am so very grateful and lucky to have the opportunity to go. This will be, there’s no way to say this without coming across as a w*nker, my fifth time there. I have many family members and friends there. I love the country so much. I feel like doing a little shriek every time I think of it - VERY excited!!!
As the weeks come closer to our departure date I can physically feel a huge shift incoming and I know very soon things are going to change in a big way. I’m excited to embrace it all. I worry about nearly everything but nine times out of ten, things work out so I’m hopeful that I’ll succeed and do what I want to do over there. Now, in saying all of this, I could come crying home in a month so if you see me in Ireland next year, maybe give me a hug…
bye :)
No eye rolls Ellen. Only drumrolls!!!
SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU CUTE SHITE 💓