Who's your Regina George?
Who popped into your head just now? Is she still in your life? Has she changed? Or maybe you've managed to escape her alluringly abusive grip...
The 2004 arrival of Mean Girls was monumental for the comedic movie scene and the film very quickly established itself as one of pop-culture's well deserved permanent cinematic residents. In short, the picture was an immediate smash.
promo pic slay
The film offered timeless quotes, hilarious comedy and a scarily spot-on depiction of the intricacies and politics involved in girl friendship groups. While the movie certainly exaggerated the drama involved in Girl World it’s one of the only productions, in my opinion, that absolutely nailed showcasing the intimidation and passive-aggression involved in being a member of a group of female friends.
Above all else Mean Girls gave us the jigsaw piece we’d always been missing. We finally had a name for that nasty female in our lives whose clutches we couldn't escape: Regina f*cking George.
the perfect bitch
Rachel McAdams’ portrayal of intimidation couldn’t have been done by anyone else and was quite surprising given her timid and soft role as Allie in The Notebook which was released that same year. Hello, versatility.
We all know a Regina, girlies. If you can’t think of one you just might be her - yikes. She’s smart, beautiful, charming, ‘popular’ (whatever that means), stylish and loved. She is also (like any effective dictator) ambitious, self-obsessed, insecure, feared and hated. She represents an archetype of female who spans across any age group but really takes flight during the teenage years/early 20s.
So, who’s yours? Let’s take a look at how the Regina Georges of the world go about executing their bullshit and see if you’ve got one in your orbit.
She’s charming, alluring and sort of an enigma.
These women are genuinely charismatic and will charm the pants off you to lure you in. Eye-catching, witty and fun to be around. They’re usually quite girly and have nice things like ‘just the right shade of gloss’ for you to use ‘whenever you want!’
These women also come across as very confident and sure of themselves which, as part of human nature, is very attractive and captivating to those who may not feel the same way about themselves. Easy targets…
Essentially what happens at the budding stage of a friendship with Regina George is you’re being won over and pulled in by this warm, captivating and mysterious girl who’s taken an interest in you. You’re engulfed in the promise of a sisterly bond with not only her, but her ‘besties’ too. One day you’re a ‘nobody’ and the next you’ve got that girl from school or college staring you directly in the eye and beckoning you over with a twinkle and a glare. You get this feeling that you’ve been chosen to be a part of a really nice girl gang, or as Janice from Mean Girls so eloquently puts it, Army of Skanks.
This initial bubble of kindness, generosity and pleasantry will be very enjoyable and make you feel so special that it will, ironically, be the biggest hurdle in your journey to getting rid of Regina. The foundation she builds with you will be strong enough that you’ll use it as proof in the argument you have back and forth with yourself that she ‘has the potential’ to be a good friend to you again - because she was at the start.
everybody wants to feel a part of something and many of us will take our ‘sense of belonging’ wherever we can get it
If she’s not in your presence, she’s in your phone.
Every time you glance at your phone you seem to have a notification from this ‘friend’. Or two. Or three.
Maybe you’ve got missed calls followed by a ‘???’ text. Your name is being tagged in the group chat and you’re jokingly asked if you’re ‘still alive lol’. Perhaps you post a picture in an Italian restaurant on your story and you’re met with ‘I didn’t know you were going to Luigi’s tonight - enjoy!’
You feel pressure to reply unusually often and are very regularly asked where you are and what you’re doing. Don’t be fooled into thinking this friend cares about you ‘sooo’ much, there’s a masked attempt at exercising control on you here. Getting you into a routine of consistently informing her of your past, current or future whereabouts and movements is a way to:
1) Keep an eye on you
C o n t r o l
2) Demand time with you
Once she knows your schedule she’ll slam herself into the free spaces.
3) Fake closeness to remain the focal friend
She’ll later ask you in front of all the others gals how X, Y and Z was. This gives the other friends in the group the indication that she is the one you are closest to. She is the one who knows everything about everyone but, shocker, she’s not actually the closest to everyone - she’s just harassing them.
anxiety when you answer the phone, anxiety when you don’t
She’s very hot and cold
This chick will be so far up your hole one day and the next it’s the frostiest of cold shoulders. There’ll be no way to predict these moods swings either. You’ll drive yourself demented wondering what behaviour it is that’s causing her to be on the ins and outs with you. This is futile. Your behaviour has nothing to do with her mood. She is, despite appearances, very insecure and emotionally frazzled so the sooner you accept that the sooner you’ll be liberated from analysing every single move you make.
These sporadic periods of niceness and nastiness will drain the life out of you, by the way. Not knowing what mood you’re going to be engulfed in will have you on a low level of alert basically all the time. I’m exhausted even thinking about it.
She makes you feel special
Good god this woman can make you feel like the only person in the room. Hangout sessions just you and her, compliments, lots of praise and general warmth…back to how she was at the start. When things are good between you and her, life is good.
If she has decided one of the other members of the ‘group’ is in the dog house, you’ll find yourself so relieved to not be in there anymore that you won’t stand up for your other pal. Everyone has a people pleaser within them to some degree so often times we’ll just be so glad of the nice treatment that we won’t question ill-treatment of others and will also quickly forget how we have previously been treated.
Regina turns on Gretchen and there’s not a word of protest from Cady or Karen - they’re just glad it’s not them in the firing line
You often get the feeling that she doesn’t like you.
Her compliments somehow feel like insults. The tone of voice when she says you look ‘cute’ is slightly threatening. When she says you’re ‘sooo funny’ you don’t feel like she means it or maybe you feel like she is weirdly annoyed with you for claiming even a fraction of the spotlight. I’m finding this particular aspect hard to explain but if you know what I’m talking about, you’ll get it straight away.
Like it says above, having a friend in your life who doesn’t like you will legitimately ruin your life. What’s more, having a friend who doesn’t like themselves will ruin your life. This is what it really comes down to. People who are unhappy at the core (Regina) will have detrimental effects on those close to them.
I’m not talking about our beautiful friends and family members who are going through struggles and are having a hard time. I’m talking about the Regina’s who think they have no personal work to do and who move around in the world in ways that hurt others. There is no reality that exists in which you can remain close to Regina and be a happy person. I’m sorry I just don’t think it’s possible. If you are in any way interested in living a life with relationships that are genuine, supportive and equal, you will never rest easy with Regina as your pal.
Miscellaneous
Some tick-the-box aspects you may experience in friendship with a Regina:
Anxiety at the thought of meeting her
Exhaustion afterward
Being nervous to express anything other than absolute adoration for her among the other members of the ‘group’
Celebrating her every single win, success, birthday or sneeze as if it’s a national bloody holiday
Keeping other friendships outside of the group a near-secret. These friendships are your safe places that you don’t want anything to do with Regina
Stress!!!
The Gworrrrly Friendship Slip
One of the most beautiful things about female friendships is that we basically date one another. We love each other fully and care so very much for our female friends. The bond created between women is genuine sisterhood. As such, when things go wrong, they go very wrong.
It feels like there’s so much on the line when you think about severing ties with females and that’s because there is. There’s a lot of love to lose but if you are resonating with any of the traits explained, honey get your boots on and run for the hills because it is not worth having someone like this in your life. As much as you would dump a man for treating you this way, you should dump Regina.
A life update nobody asked for
As I’m doing my Aussie regional work at the moment I’m realising I may not be able to write as much as I’d like to. This bothers only me I’m sure but just thought I’d flag it, thank you for reading!! <3